OMG LES MIZ

First of all, you're welcome. Why? Because I've refrained from blogging about the movie Les Miserables until I calmed myself... Mostly. Second of all, I'm finally 102% DONE with college applications, which means my thoughts will be more in one piece than they have been lately.

'Twas the night after Christmas, while children went to bed

that a little blogger decided to watch a movie then instead

While she watched the silver screen, she cried

as everyone in the movie died... (just kidding)

As she left the theater's left wing,

she began to dance and sing:

"DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING 

SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MEN

IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE

WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!"

If I ever say I'm going to write poetry again, kindly remind me how terrible I am at it so I can prevent any further embarrassment.

But all jokes and bad poetry aside, when I saw Les Miserables, I was dumbfounded. I hadn't read the book or seen the musical, so I was expecting to be a bit confused. Luckily this was not the case at all! When my dad told me that this would be a little like an opera since everyone sang the entire time, I thought he was kidding. Fortunately, he wasn't. I just have a few words to say to all you haters out there...

Warning: rant ahead

You know that saying?... Oh how does it go. "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it"? It astonishes me every day when on the internet, people think they can hide themselves behind their Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube accounts and just bash on successful and talented people. There's saying insults to that person's face, there's talking behind their back, but throwing insults over the internet is just an awful combination of both of these things. Grow up. Say something nice. Or go back to kindergarten and learn some manners.

End of rant.

All of the actors in this film were AMAZING. I usually measure level of performance (if it's a sad story) on how much I cry, but I stopped thinking about it when I started just... crying the entire time. Literally. The girl next to me (who I won't name) was sobbing so much her chair was shaking by the end. We are some hard-core movie-goers. I'll address only one major critique of the movie and stop there before I rant again: Russell Crowe was a good fit for the part. Yes, his voice was gravelly, but you know what? I liked it. "Oh no, but his singing is so terrible it hurt my ears!!" Since I haven't seen the musical, I personally think it would be weird if Javert had a soft and sing-songy voice, but maybe that's just me. After all, I'm merely a non-expert.

P.S. See the movie if you haven't already. Now. Like, buy the tickets online before you finish reading this sentence. (note to self: don't write any posts about peer pressure or you're a hypocrite)

Craaaazy People

Merry Christmahanukwanza everyone!! I can already hear the distinct melodies of Christmas carols playing... Oh wait, that's the TV downstairs... Oh wait, they've been playing Christmas carols everywhere since before Thanksgiving...

Yesterday, I spent the last hour of the awkward-there-was-no-apocalypse-day sitting in front of the TV. I wasn't even planning on watching any television since I'm technically supposed to be hustling to get all of those college applications in, but I ran downstairs in a hurry when my dad rushed up to the stairs and demanded I come at once. Usually when he does this, it's because I left the water on the stove too long and the house is about to burn down and he needs to remind me once again that unintentionally almost burning the house down is not really a good thing.

I was pretty relieved when I found out that I didn't set anything on fire. Instead, there was just Charlie Rose, interviewing Quentin Tarantino about his new movie Django Unchained. The next hour consisted of Charlie Rose, the ever-jittery Tarantino, and my eyes glued to the screen. I even refused a Klondike so I didn't miss anything that they were saying, and I would make a joke about how it's clearly a sign of the apocalypse, but... (On a completely different topic, I just visited the Klondike website. If you're extremely bored and want to watch ice cream bars being destroyed by wood chippers and baseball bats in slow motion, click on this link: Klondike Craziness)

Quentin Tarantino is the only man I have ever been able to watch being interviewed for an entire hour without being bored. And I just realized right now that there were no ads. Not only is he immensely entertaining to watch because of his boundless energy; he speaks intelligently and articulately. It's probably every interviewer's dream (if they're interested in film) to have a chat with Mr. Tarantino, because if he gets going on a topic, he'll just keep talking about it until he's stopped. With certain people, this can be a bad thing, since topics begin to mush together and certain things are repeated ad nauseam, but everything in this interview was something new and exciting. Perhaps I have a little bit of bias, though, since I always get excited whenever a successful person talks about the hours and hours they spend writing and thinking. Oh. And watch this: Julie Plec Interview

I tried to find a link for you guys, but I guess it's a bit too soon. It'll pop up on YouTube eventually, and when it does, I'll both provide a link and demand that you click on it. Think of it as my Christmas present to you :)

There's screaming coming from the TV downstairs and my family is laughing hysterically... I think I'll go downstairs now. Happy holidays everyone!

Why Shakespeare confuses my brain

So I'm going to assume here that everyone reading this blog knows who I am, but if you don't know me, congratulations for coming across one of the loneliest blogs on the internet, and just read the rest of this post knowing that I might possibly want to major in English if I ever get in to college. Therefore, the title of this post is probably confusing your brain, too.

How can an English major not appreciate and love the works of Shakespeare?? It's a very good question indeed, but one that is entirely answerable (I think). So let me first make a minor correction to the title. This post should actually be called "Why reading Shakespeare confuses my brain." Technically the entire title should also be capitalized, but I'm lazy.

When I first started reading Hamlet, I thought I had lost my marbles, and had to read something else to make sure I hadn't completely forgotten the language of English. It also happened to be at the same time that I thought I had a concussion because of a bump in the head at work, but it turns out I'm just not good at concentrating on things in general. Yes, I appreciate Shakespeare's wondrous ability to play with words and his sense of humor... No, I do not appreciate how hard it is to imagine what's going on in Shakespeare's plays with no visual context. Other than the occasional painting or photograph on the left side of the book, there's nothing but dialogue telling the reader what's really going on. (Also, thank you so much, Folger Shakespeare Library, for showing me what a sword looks like. I would've been completely lost and clueless without your help...) Even reading it in screenplay format would've been easier! An occasional "(sarcastically)" or "(angrily)" would definitely clear up some confusion.

But what's that in the distance? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a film version of Hamlet, come to save the day! The Royal Shakespeare Company really did a fine job with this one, even if every time anything comes out of Hamlet's mouth, all I can think of is Barty Crouch Jr., and having the same man play Claudius and the Ghost is complicated enough without Professor X in there. Anyway, it's a fantastic production, with weird camera angles (even a security camera perspective once in a while), classy and contemporary costumes, and above all, great acting. Oliver Ford Davies, who plays Polonius, does a fantastic job playing the clueless father who rambles on and on in such an endearingly humorous way.

And see, that's just the point of acting out Shakespeare's plays! I'm no actress, so it's a little hard for me to simply walk around my bedroom floor, reading a paragraph and interpreting it through acting. I usually end up making random hand motions, forget to process the words in my brain, then get frustrated. It's not pretty. There's also the read-it-out-loud-in-class method, but sometimes it's not fun to find out that you're not the worst actor in the room. Awkward...

Do you see now why I dislike reading Shakespeare? Allow me to reiterate: There's a reason why Shakespeare wrote his plays... as plays... They are to be acted, or at least spoken with some dramatic impact. Call me dumb, but I cannot get any of that through my thick skull without some help. I need a little more than a picture of a sword to understand the inner workings of these plays (notice how I didn't call them books?).

I'll run away before I'm trampled by smart people who can read and understand Shakespeare without movies... Meh.

Optimistic thoughts on this day of thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May your turkey (or turkeys) be fat and tasty and may the holiday cheer bring you much joy before you are trampled under the feet of crazy shoppers tomorrow! Now, onto a completely different topic...

I believe my cousin may be dragging me to see the last Twilight movie. Yes, I am thankful she's in town; no, I am not thankful I may have to waste ten dollars. I must admit, I'm a little curious as to why everyone is freaking out about the ending. Didn't they all read the book? I would think the book and the movie would match at least a little bit. Hmm. Maybe I should be optimistic about this movie. Bill Condon, the director, has also directed Dreamgirls... Interesting switch here, Mr. Condon. In any case, he's not most known for this latest installment of the Twilight "saga," which I'll take as a good sign. OHHHHHH OUCH. Just looked at the IMDb rating for Breaking Dawn Part 1... I know a 4.8 would hang over my head for a very long time. Optimism levels just plummeted.

Speaking of Stephenie Meyer (I'm really bad at segues today), I just saw the trailer for The Host. Ten times. This movie looks like an actual winner! I hope. I haven't read the book yet, but according to a couple of Twihards I've talked to, it's a lot different from the rest of Stephenie Meyer's books. Optimism levels are slowly rising... Looking through the comments of the trailers (because I read those obsessively), it seems as if a lot of people are not happy about the casting choices. Personally, everything looks pretty good from where I'm sitting. Saoirse Ronan did an amazing job in The Lovely Bones, even though the movie freaked me out in general. What also freaks me out is how she can look either 13 years old or 25, depending on how she wears her hair. Moving on... I'm actually a little less optimistic about Max Irons. Without looking into the other movies he's been in, I just got the "awkward" vibe from him throughout the trailer... I'll remain hopeful. And last but not least, there's Jake Abel. I don't get it. How has he never been the leading role? I Am Number Four, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, The Lovely Bones... He's always that background guy, but he's a very good actor in my opinion. Maybe that's just because I've seen him in I Am Number Four, acting next to Alex Pettyfer...

Anyways, have a look. I'll just go back to watching it for the 11th time... Or was it the 12th? The song in the background is "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons (in case it gets stuck in your head too).

Parodies, Covers, and Mash-ups (Oh my!)

So here's a hypothetical conversation:

Friend 1: "Hey man, do you like that new song?"

Friend 2: "Nah, it was kind of lame. I liked the Glee version though."

Friend 1: "We are no longer friends."

Apparently, it's not ok to like a song if it's not the original version. It's probably more apparent if the word "Glee" pops up... Also, the opposite is true: apparently, it's not ok to like a cover of a bad song. WELL, ladies and gentlemen, I am about to prove you all wrong. See, it's heroes like the band Pomplamoose that are saving this generation the shame of becoming the "Bad Taste in Music Generation." (Honestly, when I talk about rap, I don't even refer to it as music).

I mean, who would think to make something so awesome out of three not-so-awesome things? (I admit, I liked "Somebody I Used To Know" until I had listened to it about 10 too many times) I was going to make a reference to the saying "quality over quantity" but the thought got lost in my brain somewhere. Help me out if you want.

Also, I like parodies. Lots and lots of parodies. I even watch the homemade ones made with cheap cameras because believe it or not, movies can still be funny. You just need to get over the fact that not every movie will have 1080p and come with surround-sound. We techies are spoiled in this digital age...

Can I bombard you with parodies? I think I shall.

The Vampire Diaries:

The Hunger Games:

The Little Mermaid: (heehee)

Ok, so that last one is actually an alternate ending, but just... it's too good...

Writing vs. Acting

Have you ever watched a movie thinking that the actors were being awkward? You're probably right. It's called bad acting. What I used to do is notice the awkwardness, disregard everything else, then give it a low rating on IMDb. But that's not all there is to a movie or TV show, is it?

How many of you watched Snow White and the Huntsman to get a good laugh out of awkward acting? I know I did. After coming across the trailer again, though, I noticed something-- is there some reason everyone is so angry? I mean, I get that everything is supposed to be more intense, but I can't help but imagine the director running around like a madman on set, telling the actors to be way more angry than they should be.

That time of the month again?

I didn't actually dislike the movie itself. The plot was good, the effects were awesome, but the acting just made me chuckle (I don't think the rest of the theater really minded). 

What truly bothers me is when a movie has it the other way around. The example I give is a TV show, but my point still stands. When I first started watching Kyle XY, I knew none of the actors in it. It was recommended to me with the promise that the plot was awesome, and it was. I might have mentioned this before-- Julie Plec is AWESOME. Her ability to make three-dimensional characters and put them into addictive television shows never ceases to amaze me, but I digress...

Kyle XY had some very good actors in it. I still can't pronounce the name Marguerite MacIntyre, but the great acting job she does in both Kyle XY and The Vampire Diaries kind of makes me wonder why she isn't in more than a couple of crime show episodes (thank goodness she's in The Vampire Diaries). The rest of them, though... I can't stand Amanda. I'll give Kirsten Prout the benefit of the doubt and hope that she doesn't actually always pout. Because that's not what acting's about. 

Time to go out...side and get some fresh air. I'll stop now.

Technical Difficulties...

I learn everything from YouTube tutorials. Because of YouTube, I can play "Tong Hua" on the piano, I can create a successful green screen effect on Sony Vegas, and physics are just a little easier for me to wrap my brain around. It's great... Until it's not. Don't you love it when you follow instructions to everything, expect to get awesome results, and then BAM it blows up in your face? I love it too. So much.

Again, back to my little movie project. Some of you may laugh at me for not knowing that there's a better way to render videos than to create HUGE uncompressed files then convert them into awful, pixelated images. Thank you, YouTube, for showing me otherwise. No thank you, YouTube, for giving me false hope while rendering my finished product into an awesome, small, HD file. "An error occurred," you say? 

This guy has always looked like a hard-boiled egg to me.

On a side note, hooray for Marble Hornets finally putting up another post! After weeks of checking every single day for that damned number 64, this post was definitely worth it. I was a little disappointed in #63... Sorry guys, but the only reason people are watching this is because it's scary, not because we love following Tim around. Like a lot of people have commented, the web series has a few low points, but they have definitely gotten back on track with... Oh wait, I won't give anything away :) 

Next post- I mean to get to an actual film sometime soon, so why not start with the best? I have a couple thoughts about Citizen Kane...

Filmmaker's Block

When I was little, I used to wish that I had the ability to grow wings and fly. Either that or have sweet robot-making skills so I could make an army of slaves to do my bidding. I was a strange child.

I guess I've become more practical, because over the years my one wish has become pretty reasonable (to me, anyway). What if I could just survive without sleep? Forever? First of all, my room would be twice as big without any need for a bed. Maybe I could get one of those bowl-shaped chairs and pile my embarrassingly large amount of stuffed animals on it and just cuddle if I was feeling lazy. Second of all, I would actually be productive once in a while. Tonight is just like any other- here I am, it's pretty much midnight, and I've finally mustered the motivation and energy to actually do something. Like editing film. ...Wait what? What is this homework you speak of? Isn't that what lunch periods are for? 

Anyways. Did I mention I'm making a movie? Whoops maybe not. In case you were wondering, you are currently reading the blog of Siena the strange (and senile sometimes), amateur director, screenplay writer, and editor. Not to brag or anything, but I'm also a professional procrastinator. 

Random thought of the day: This is my face when I tried using the "video stabilization effect" from Sony Vegas today-

Voldemort and I also share similarly shaped noses. We're practically siblings.

Shattered Illusions

I'll start with this image and go from there. I spend way too much time looking at Harry Potter memes.

All I see is Harry Potter. Even when I was watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes, it was just too weird when Tom Felton came on screen without his accent. Obviously, the movie theater where it was showing couldn't handle it either- some time after Felton taunted the apes in the cages, the power in the theater blew, and all of us sitting in our seats had about ten minutes to absorb the shock of seeing a Harry Potter character in another movie. I kid you not. In hindsight, I probably should have looked around the theater for any suspicious looking audience members donning a black cloak and muttering strange words while staring intently at the screen. 

That was a year ago though. For more shattered illusions, see Marble Hornets, then do a little research on the actors involved. Oh dear lord. If you're watching Marble Hornets for the scariness, I highly recommend you don't go looking for the YouTube channel called "troyhasacamera." But if you're stupid like me, watch some of their videos. It reminds me of another Harry Potter meme...

Analogy- Fully functional, caring, & supportive wife: Marble Hornets :: Crazy bitch: troyhasacamera

I personally think that even though troyhasacamera's mini movies are ridiculous and completely random, the editing skills there explain the awesomeness of Marble Hornets. I guess they just got tired of normal acting and horror story plots and just... Did the complete opposite of everything. Sometimes the sound editing is a little too extreme for my taste in the troyhasacamera videos, but the facial expressions and the plots just kill me. At least Marble Hornets will never be scary for me ever again. 

On the subject of peer pressure

It's story time guys!

Let me start by saying that my dad is a weird guy sometimes. 

When I came home from swimming today, I had that weird feeling in my stomach of being hungry and not hungry at the same time. After eating two bites of steak, I was stuffed. Multiply that number by a thousand and you get my usual daily consumption of meat... And other good food. When asked why I was displaying such unusual behavior, I remembered that after practice, I had stuffed approximately five homemade chocolate chip cookies in my mouth before running off into the freezing cold locker room. Maybe it was six. I don't know, the whole thing blurred in the midst of the sugar rush. 

I started talking with my dad about it, arguing that of course I stuffed a pile of cookies into my mouth; I had no choice! They were just so deliciously tempting...

My exact statement (kind of): "_____ brought cookies and everyone was eating them, so..."

His immediate reaction: "If one of your friends brought a bunch of marijuana and everyone was smoking it, does that mean you do too?"

Just finish it!!

The world has a chronic case of cancellations of cool cinema. There, how's that for alliteration? But seriously, the world of television is leaving me on the edge of my seat and biting my nails only to tell me... SHOW CANCELLED??? NO.

Here's one more list for y'all:
Kyle XY
Ringer
Dollhouse
Firefly

The longest-running show among these is Kyle XY, which cranked out a grand total of three seasons before ending it with THE BIGGEST REVELATION YET... Only to have it cancelled. Not ok, ABC Family. I must admit, the show had some awkward acting moments and drawn out episodes, but the plot? The entire concept as a whole? Me likey. Unfortunately, the only thing to "satisfy" my curiosity about what would've come in the fourth season is a little "wrap-up" titled "Kyle XY: Future Revealed," which would've been ok had it not been so... Incredibly... Vague. "Oh yeah, we were thinking of developing this character here- would've been fun to see how that played out in the fourth season!" LADY THERE IS NO FOURTH SEASON YER KILLIN' ME. (Not an actual quote, just me imitating her) And no worries, Julie Plec definitely redeemed herself by starting up The Vampire Diaries.

Don't worry I'm not usually this ranty.

Next up: Ringer. Thank you, Sarah Michelle Gellar, for showing your face on television again. The acting in that show was superb (and I really never say superb) and I think that may have been one of the main reasons this show was awesome. Maybe that was one of the reasons it didn't really last long... At least the cliffhanger at the end was much more of an actual ending than in Kyle XY.

I think I've watched Dollhouse way too many times. And yet, it's just as awesome every single time, especially the "Epitaph" episodes. I seriously do not cry for many movies which sometimes makes me feel like a heartless soulless person (LIKE THE SLENDER MAN), but nevertheless, I cried during the last episode of the second season. God I love the characters in that show. *SPOILER ALERT* I just get chills every time I see Topher break down in "Epitaph One." Apparently Joss would've made the relationship between Dewitt and Topher more interesting in upcoming seasons (in a motherly/son kind of way you sickos), and that is probably one of the main reasons I get all sad whenever I see no number 3 when selecting the season on Netflix.

I think the least painful (only in some senses) was the cancellation of Firefly. Eeeeeveryone gets upset over it, but I won't, because Serenity was made to save the day, and Joss Whedon should get major props for bringing the whole team back together again. As a mini-amateur-kind-of-filmmaker, it's hard enough getting a few people together for just a freakin' scene, so for a whole movie? If you've watched the bloopers I guess I can see why they would come back. All they do is goof around, I swear.

I guess it's ok that it got cancelled since it was so darn expensive to make... Just kidding, it will never be ok. It is so obvious that everyone is pissed at Fox... I love it.

If you're lazy, go from 2:00, but that's just lame

I actually started this post because I was frustrated that Marble Hornets is not actually done yet. I get distracted easily.

The Art of Scary

I'm really not a big fan of horror movies. I've refused to watch even the trailers to the Paranormal Activity movies, or else you'll be talking to Ms. Dark-Circles-Under-The-Eyes for the next week. So why did I start watching the YouTube series Marble Hornets? And why am I still watching it? Ask me again when I've regained my common sense...

A friend introduced me to the web series, which I thought was going to be something completely different from the context of the conversation we were having. I was a little scared... But definitely not at all prepared for what I was about to "witness." After watching a few entries, I had to stop unless I wanted to die of adrenaline overload. Pause. Breathe. Research time. (Also I punched my friend in the arm for introducing this to me. Worst/best/creepiest/scariest recommendation ever)

Ever heard of the "Slender Man"? Maybe not. How about you Buffy fans out there- you remember that episode "Hush" right? Yeah... Everyone remembers that episode. The one where the Gentlemen take the voices of the town and stab a bunch of people to eat their hearts or something. Then there's lots of slaying, green goop flying, then romantic tension... I won't give too much away. Anyway. The Gentlemen.

The Gentlemen were supposedly based off of a fictional character called the "Slender Man" or the "Tall Man," along with a long list of other names. Different variations of his appearance include multiple waving arms, extreme height, no face, and a business suit. Suuuuuuuuper creepy. Like more creepy than the Gentlemen... Uh oh, looks like I offended him-

Having nightmares yet? Just remember I just told you the Slender Man is MORE CREEPY THAN THAT. There is simply something so disquieting about having no face... And at least we know that the Gentlemen like eating hearts... What does the Slender Man do? WHO KNOWS. Actually... That's what Marble Hornets is all about.

Just watch it. Giving too much away definitely makes things less scary... Oh God I'm being distracted from the constant movement two inches above this sentence... Ahhhh where was I. Yeah watch it. Unless you think you'll pee your pants. Please do not let me be the cause of your seat-wetting.

Fifty-eight entries watched... Five to go. If I don't make another blog entry in a couple of weeks you'll know I've had a heart attack. Just the other night I walked downstairs in my own house and almost screamed when my dad suddenly appeared from around the corner. "OH GOD IT'S THE SLENDER MA- Oh, hi dad..."

I should also mention that as I was writing this post, I had a flashback to a dream I most definitely had. All I remember is I feel trapped in this random room with this woman who used to work for my dad at the office. We're sitting there feeling scared when we start talking about what we're hiding from. It's a faceless, tall man. THE SLENDER MAN. SWEET MOTHER OF...

But just remember, if you start watching this and it's freaking the bejesus out of you, there is always this helpful little video to remind you that monsters aren't real, aliens are not going out of their way to abduct everyone, and you can't actually go to Hogwarts. Also it made me crack up, so maybe you'll just watch it anyway:

As a last little note here, I find it a happy coincidence that I started watching this as I'm studying film in school. The way that the entire show... Film... Whatever it is... Is actually very well done. Since it's all "candid," it doesn't really seem like it's very well-planned at first, but rest assured it actually does take some skill to make the audience (us) pee our pants with fear. Kudos to you, the mysterious and elusive creators of Marble Hornets, the scariest thing I am willing to watch. I take the kudos back if I do in fact die of a heart attack after finishing the latest entry.

Procrastination nation

I'm a big fan of TV shows. There's an odd mix of them, but enough to make most people think I have way too much free time on my hands. Wrong- it's just a very good use of time while procrastinating.

A little above my head to the left, there are two sheets of paper taped to my wall. Posters were too mainstream (har har). On these pieces of plain white paper are ten tips from my hero Joss Whedon, describing what to do or what not to do in order to be a successful screenwriter. In other words, common sense is taped to my wall. For any of you fellow writers out there, here's a link: http://dannystack.blogspot.com/2009/01/joss-whedons-top-10-writing-tips.html

Back to procrastination. Here's a list: Firefly, Dollhouse, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Bones, The Vampire Diaries. There. My six obsessions in life (among many other non-film things don't worry). Before we start getting judgey on the whole vampire thing, don't worry- Twilight didn't make my top 1,000 movies. I don't think I've watched 1,000 movies in my life. But I unfortunately (or fortunately) have been caught in the frenzy for vampires on television. Allow me to explain: I'm weird. All done.

Looking at more and more movies, I have come to realize why TV shows are so much more awesome in my mind. Movies, according to critics and film buffs, are an art form, where different images come together to make one quick story filled with emotion brought about in whatever wacky way possible. TV shows on the other hand are about the storyline, character development... And other stuff I'd much rather obsess over. Don't get me wrong, movies are awesome (although Un Chien Andalou made my mind explode), but it's like being asked the question, "Which is your favorite? Red M&Ms or yellow M&Ms?" Unless you've got some wacky problem with the color yellow. I digress yet again.

Please watch these clips of bloopers. They make me so happy and you don't even need to know what's going on! Though if you're at all confused, I have the perfect solution: watch the show.

His face...

If nothing else, watch starting at 1:23. Please.

I can too don't you worry

I have mixed feelings. And colors.

There are many emotions running through my head right now, but one stands out among them- I am tired. Take each emotion. Pick a color for each. Red for anger, blue for sad, and so on. Tired, in my mind, is when all of those colors mix together to make that awful brownish swirl of chaos I used to make as a kid with water colors. None of the colors are discernible anymore, but they're certainly not any prettier. Metaphors.

Earlier today, I decided I would pick a color for excitement. It's sort of an off-white, like eggshell. As I started warming up for my 100 yard breaststroke today my mood was definitely this off-white. The second I let go of the block, though, suddenly my eggshell EXPLODED and I discovered the color of adrenaline- it's a blinding white. Yeah, yeah, adrenaline's not an emotion. Whatever. Anyway, in those last 25 yards, I felt like I was on FIRE. It was awesome, and white might become my new favorite color. Stroke. Breathe. Kick. Repeat. Now read that in your head as fast as your mind can possibly process it- now you know how fast I thought I was going. Too bad I didn't actually swim fast.

To end the day, a nice mellow yellow sounded good to me. Family watching The Artist? Yeah, I can handle it. No color to worry about there anyway, unless you're counting those 50 shades of gray. Wait...

There's a dark gray swirling into my brownish color scheme... Must be past my bed time! Any time I write that I'm starting to see black, call 911 immediately please. Thanks. Good night. I'll be here all week. 

I am not a film buff. Yet.

You know that feeling you get when you're in this class where everything is so damn interesting, and yet... you know nothing? I was once in a math seminar when I was about 13, and the teacher was 16 and talking about calculations that looked like hieroglyphics. I told them I was sick and went home after he handed out a sheet of paper to work on silently for 30 minutes. Gives me nightmares.

I almost expected my film studies class to be like that, only without the triangles and random Greek letters. Thank the good Lord in heaven it's not like that at all. The teacher is awesome, we're watching The Cutting Edge: The Magic of Movie Editing, and I'm actually learning stuff. Congratulations school-that-I-will-not-name, you actually know who to hire sometimes. I have a feeling some of my peers who recently dropped the class were thinking it was a free period with free movies on the side. No.........

Last thing: Black Swan. Ughhhhhh gives me the creeps when I think about it. Natalie Portman's acting was actually pretty awesome, but maybe it's just because I'm comparing this with her performance in Star Wars... I most definitely enjoyed the filmography throughout. Thank you, Darren Aronofsky. Back to the Swan Queen. When we discussed it in class, a shiver ran down my spine when someone mentioned the clip where she rips off a huge hunk of skin from her hand. Get. This. Mental. Image. Out. Of. My. Brain. I should also mention I had flashbacks to The Matrix when her toes stick together...

Movie directors are messed up. Maybe if I want to be one someday I should go live in a prison for a while or something. And why is it that most of these awesome movies give you nightmares anyway? I think I'll just go watch The Sound of Music again...

The things politicians don't do

I tend to avoid politics, but this isn't really about politics anyway- it's about politicians. More specifically, the funny things they don't do/say. Politics is a big theme in the house nowadays because of the conventions, so it always makes me feel better to see something ridiculous... Like Obama kicking a door down.

...Wait what?

That's right. Obama kicks a door down. JUST KIDDING. According to www.snopes.com, this clip is edited, and appeared on the Tonight's Show with Jay Leno to better portray the mood in the room during the meeting in the first part of the clip. Come on guys, did you really think Obama would do that? Not that it's completely unheard of for presidents to do funny things- in 2008, former president George Bush actually tap danced on the White House steps to keep the audience from being bored as they waited for Senator John McCain. Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knhErtMjC8k

This next little spoof is something that really annoys me- name the person who said these words:

"I can see Russia from my house."

If you said Tina Fey, I did not just lose my faith in humanity. Thank you. That is all. Back to calculus.

Aaaaaand... Action!

Greetings, all you readers, robots, and fellow writers out there! Welcome to my first blog ever! See, I'm not even an expert in blogging.

Why am I writing a blog? Well... I am here to provide the world (or at least the billionth that will see this) with opinions from a non-expert like me about anything that happens to pop into my head. Topics will probably range from movies I've watched to my ramblings about the inefficiencies of the American public school system (don't worry those will be kept to a minimum).

One main reason for the title of this blog- anything I say should never be regarded as an expert opinion! When people ask me what my favorite movie is, they assume I'm a film buff until I tell them it's "The Sound of Music" (sorry Hitchcock fans). I'm a dabbler, so don't take my posts about selling my new artwork made from underwater-basket weaving too seriously. Not that I do underwater basket-weaving... I digress.

And more digressions will come shortly after I finish my calculus homework and survive this next week of school. What fun!