Let me start by saying that my dad is a weird guy sometimes.
When I came home from swimming today, I had that weird feeling in my stomach of being hungry and not hungry at the same time. After eating two bites of steak, I was stuffed. Multiply that number by a thousand and you get my usual daily consumption of meat... And other good food. When asked why I was displaying such unusual behavior, I remembered that after practice, I had stuffed approximately five homemade chocolate chip cookies in my mouth before running off into the freezing cold locker room. Maybe it was six. I don't know, the whole thing blurred in the midst of the sugar rush.
I started talking with my dad about it, arguing that of course I stuffed a pile of cookies into my mouth; I had no choice! They were just so deliciously tempting...
My exact statement (kind of): "_____ brought cookies and everyone was eating them, so..."
His immediate reaction: "If one of your friends brought a bunch of marijuana and everyone was smoking it, does that mean you do too?"
The world has a chronic case of cancellations of cool cinema. There, how's that for alliteration? But seriously, the world of television is leaving me on the edge of my seat and biting my nails only to tell me... SHOW CANCELLED??? NO.
Here's one more list for y'all: Kyle XY Ringer Dollhouse Firefly
The longest-running show among these is Kyle XY, which cranked out a grand total of three seasons before ending it with THE BIGGEST REVELATION YET... Only to have it cancelled. Not ok, ABC Family. I must admit, the show had some awkward acting moments and drawn out episodes, but the plot? The entire concept as a whole? Me likey. Unfortunately, the only thing to "satisfy" my curiosity about what would've come in the fourth season is a little "wrap-up" titled "Kyle XY: Future Revealed," which would've been ok had it not been so... Incredibly... Vague. "Oh yeah, we were thinking of developing this character here- would've been fun to see how that played out in the fourth season!" LADY THERE IS NO FOURTH SEASON YER KILLIN' ME. (Not an actual quote, just me imitating her) And no worries, Julie Plec definitely redeemed herself by starting up The Vampire Diaries.
Don't worry I'm not usually this ranty.
Next up: Ringer. Thank you, Sarah Michelle Gellar, for showing your face on television again. The acting in that show was superb (and I really never say superb) and I think that may have been one of the main reasons this show was awesome. Maybe that was one of the reasons it didn't really last long... At least the cliffhanger at the end was much more of an actual ending than in Kyle XY.
I think I've watched Dollhouse way too many times. And yet, it's just as awesome every single time, especially the "Epitaph" episodes. I seriously do not cry for many movies which sometimes makes me feel like a heartless soulless person (LIKE THE SLENDER MAN), but nevertheless, I cried during the last episode of the second season. God I love the characters in that show. *SPOILER ALERT* I just get chills every time I see Topher break down in "Epitaph One." Apparently Joss would've made the relationship between Dewitt and Topher more interesting in upcoming seasons (in a motherly/son kind of way you sickos), and that is probably one of the main reasons I get all sad whenever I see no number 3 when selecting the season on Netflix.
I think the least painful (only in some senses) was the cancellation of Firefly. Eeeeeveryone gets upset over it, but I won't, because Serenity was made to save the day, and Joss Whedon should get major props for bringing the whole team back together again. As a mini-amateur-kind-of-filmmaker, it's hard enough getting a few people together for just a freakin' scene, so for a whole movie? If you've watched the bloopers I guess I can see why they would come back. All they do is goof around, I swear.
I guess it's ok that it got cancelled since it was so darn expensive to make... Just kidding, it will never be ok. It is so obvious that everyone is pissed at Fox... I love it.
If you're lazy, go from 2:00, but that's just lame
I actually started this post because I was frustrated that Marble Hornets is not actually done yet. I get distracted easily.
I'm really not a big fan of horror movies. I've refused to watch even the trailers to the Paranormal Activity movies, or else you'll be talking to Ms. Dark-Circles-Under-The-Eyes for the next week. So why did I start watching the YouTube series Marble Hornets? And why am I still watching it? Ask me again when I've regained my common sense...
A friend introduced me to the web series, which I thought was going to be something completely different from the context of the conversation we were having. I was a little scared... But definitely not at all prepared for what I was about to "witness." After watching a few entries, I had to stop unless I wanted to die of adrenaline overload. Pause. Breathe. Research time. (Also I punched my friend in the arm for introducing this to me. Worst/best/creepiest/scariest recommendation ever)
Ever heard of the "Slender Man"? Maybe not. How about you Buffy fans out there- you remember that episode "Hush" right? Yeah... Everyone remembers that episode. The one where the Gentlemen take the voices of the town and stab a bunch of people to eat their hearts or something. Then there's lots of slaying, green goop flying, then romantic tension... I won't give too much away. Anyway. The Gentlemen.
The Gentlemen were supposedly based off of a fictional character called the "Slender Man" or the "Tall Man," along with a long list of other names. Different variations of his appearance include multiple waving arms, extreme height, no face, and a business suit. Suuuuuuuuper creepy. Like more creepy than the Gentlemen... Uh oh, looks like I offended him-
Having nightmares yet? Just remember I just told you the Slender Man is MORE CREEPY THAN THAT. There is simply something so disquieting about having no face... And at least we know that the Gentlemen like eating hearts... What does the Slender Man do? WHO KNOWS. Actually... That's what Marble Hornets is all about.
Just watch it. Giving too much away definitely makes things less scary... Oh God I'm being distracted from the constant movement two inches above this sentence... Ahhhh where was I. Yeah watch it. Unless you think you'll pee your pants. Please do not let me be the cause of your seat-wetting.
Fifty-eight entries watched... Five to go. If I don't make another blog entry in a couple of weeks you'll know I've had a heart attack. Just the other night I walked downstairs in my own house and almost screamed when my dad suddenly appeared from around the corner. "OH GOD IT'S THE SLENDER MA- Oh, hi dad..."
I should also mention that as I was writing this post, I had a flashback to a dream I most definitely had. All I remember is I feel trapped in this random room with this woman who used to work for my dad at the office. We're sitting there feeling scared when we start talking about what we're hiding from. It's a faceless, tall man. THE SLENDER MAN. SWEET MOTHER OF...
But just remember, if you start watching this and it's freaking the bejesus out of you, there is always this helpful little video to remind you that monsters aren't real, aliens are not going out of their way to abduct everyone, and you can't actually go to Hogwarts. Also it made me crack up, so maybe you'll just watch it anyway:
As a last little note here, I find it a happy coincidence that I started watching this as I'm studying film in school. The way that the entire show... Film... Whatever it is... Is actually very well done. Since it's all "candid," it doesn't really seem like it's very well-planned at first, but rest assured it actually does take some skill to make the audience (us) pee our pants with fear. Kudos to you, the mysterious and elusive creators of Marble Hornets, the scariest thing I am willing to watch. I take the kudos back if I do in fact die of a heart attack after finishing the latest entry.
I'm a big fan of TV shows. There's an odd mix of them, but enough to make most people think I have way too much free time on my hands. Wrong- it's just a very good use of time while procrastinating.
A little above my head to the left, there are two sheets of paper taped to my wall. Posters were too mainstream (har har). On these pieces of plain white paper are ten tips from my hero Joss Whedon, describing what to do or what not to do in order to be a successful screenwriter. In other words, common sense is taped to my wall. For any of you fellow writers out there, here's a link: http://dannystack.blogspot.com/2009/01/joss-whedons-top-10-writing-tips.html
Back to procrastination. Here's a list: Firefly, Dollhouse, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Bones, The Vampire Diaries. There. My six obsessions in life (among many other non-film things don't worry). Before we start getting judgey on the whole vampire thing, don't worry- Twilight didn't make my top 1,000 movies. I don't think I've watched 1,000 movies in my life. But I unfortunately (or fortunately) have been caught in the frenzy for vampires on television. Allow me to explain: I'm weird. All done.
Looking at more and more movies, I have come to realize why TV shows are so much more awesome in my mind. Movies, according to critics and film buffs, are an art form, where different images come together to make one quick story filled with emotion brought about in whatever wacky way possible. TV shows on the other hand are about the storyline, character development... And other stuff I'd much rather obsess over. Don't get me wrong, movies are awesome (although Un Chien Andalou made my mind explode), but it's like being asked the question, "Which is your favorite? Red M&Ms or yellow M&Ms?" Unless you've got some wacky problem with the color yellow. I digress yet again.
Please watch these clips of bloopers. They make me so happy and you don't even need to know what's going on! Though if you're at all confused, I have the perfect solution: watch the show.
There are many emotions running through my head right now, but one stands out among them- I am tired. Take each emotion. Pick a color for each. Red for anger, blue for sad, and so on. Tired, in my mind, is when all of those colors mix together to make that awful brownish swirl of chaos I used to make as a kid with water colors. None of the colors are discernible anymore, but they're certainly not any prettier. Metaphors.
Earlier today, I decided I would pick a color for excitement. It's sort of an off-white, like eggshell. As I started warming up for my 100 yard breaststroke today my mood was definitely this off-white. The second I let go of the block, though, suddenly my eggshell EXPLODED and I discovered the color of adrenaline- it's a blinding white. Yeah, yeah, adrenaline's not an emotion. Whatever. Anyway, in those last 25 yards, I felt like I was on FIRE. It was awesome, and white might become my new favorite color. Stroke. Breathe. Kick. Repeat. Now read that in your head as fast as your mind can possibly process it- now you know how fast I thought I was going. Too bad I didn't actually swim fast.
To end the day, a nice mellow yellow sounded good to me. Family watching The Artist? Yeah, I can handle it. No color to worry about there anyway, unless you're counting those 50 shades of gray. Wait...
There's a dark gray swirling into my brownish color scheme... Must be past my bed time! Any time I write that I'm starting to see black, call 911 immediately please. Thanks. Good night. I'll be here all week.
You know that feeling you get when you're in this class where everything is so damn interesting, and yet... you know nothing? I was once in a math seminar when I was about 13, and the teacher was 16 and talking about calculations that looked like hieroglyphics. I told them I was sick and went home after he handed out a sheet of paper to work on silently for 30 minutes. Gives me nightmares.
I almost expected my film studies class to be like that, only without the triangles and random Greek letters. Thank the good Lord in heaven it's not like that at all. The teacher is awesome, we're watching The Cutting Edge: The Magic of Movie Editing, and I'm actually learning stuff. Congratulations school-that-I-will-not-name, you actually know who to hire sometimes. I have a feeling some of my peers who recently dropped the class were thinking it was a free period with free movies on the side. No.........
Last thing: Black Swan. Ughhhhhh gives me the creeps when I think about it. Natalie Portman's acting was actually pretty awesome, but maybe it's just because I'm comparing this with her performance in Star Wars... I most definitely enjoyed the filmography throughout. Thank you, Darren Aronofsky. Back to the Swan Queen. When we discussed it in class, a shiver ran down my spine when someone mentioned the clip where she rips off a huge hunk of skin from her hand. Get. This. Mental. Image. Out. Of. My. Brain. I should also mention I had flashbacks to The Matrix when her toes stick together...
Movie directors are messed up. Maybe if I want to be one someday I should go live in a prison for a while or something. And why is it that most of these awesome movies give you nightmares anyway? I think I'll just go watch The Sound of Music again...
I tend to avoid politics, but this isn't really about politics anyway- it's about politicians. More specifically, the funny things they don't do/say. Politics is a big theme in the house nowadays because of the conventions, so it always makes me feel better to see something ridiculous... Like Obama kicking a door down.
...Wait what?
That's right. Obama kicks a door down. JUST KIDDING. According to www.snopes.com, this clip is edited, and appeared on the Tonight's Show with Jay Leno to better portray the mood in the room during the meeting in the first part of the clip. Come on guys, did you really think Obama would do that? Not that it's completely unheard of for presidents to do funny things- in 2008, former president George Bush actually tap danced on the White House steps to keep the audience from being bored as they waited for Senator John McCain. Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knhErtMjC8k
This next little spoof is something that really annoys me- name the person who said these words:
"I can see Russia from my house."
If you said Tina Fey, I did not just lose my faith in humanity. Thank you. That is all. Back to calculus.
Greetings, all you readers, robots, and fellow writers out there! Welcome to my first blog ever! See, I'm not even an expert in blogging.
Why am I writing a blog? Well... I am here to provide the world (or at least the billionth that will see this) with opinions from a non-expert like me about anything that happens to pop into my head. Topics will probably range from movies I've watched to my ramblings about the inefficiencies of the American public school system (don't worry those will be kept to a minimum).
One main reason for the title of this blog- anything I say should never be regarded as an expert opinion! When people ask me what my favorite movie is, they assume I'm a film buff until I tell them it's "The Sound of Music" (sorry Hitchcock fans). I'm a dabbler, so don't take my posts about selling my new artwork made from underwater-basket weaving too seriously. Not that I do underwater basket-weaving... I digress.
And more digressions will come shortly after I finish my calculus homework and survive this next week of school. What fun!
