New year, same old stuff

So now that I've looked back on my last post and realized it was basically all ranting, I'm going to provide you with an actual review of Les Miserables. GET EXCITED.

Watching Les Mis was like drinking a cup of coffee. For me, drinking a regular cup o' joe is a little similar to drinking something more like this:

When I first drink coffee, all I get is bitter taste, and it lasts me the entire cup (or abnormally large bowl-like container). Then, as I'm sitting in class, waiting to finally feel awake and on top of things, all I can think about is how much I need to pee (unfortunate but biologically inevitable). Finally, when I'm least expecting it, BAM. That darn tapping foot sneaks up on me to give me a thirty second warning that I'm about to start bouncing off the walls. So why do I drink coffee? The world may never know. (Speaking of which, if you immediately recognized that last sentence because of a tootsie pop commercial, you may still be wondering how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. The general consensus places an average around 600-800. You're welcome.)

So going back to Les Mis, here's what I thought. In terms of filmmaking, the beginning was rocky. The camera angles and weird switches made me a little uneasy, but I suppose it was for an intended effect. In any case, I assumed someone would understand it, and continued watching the movie with a little more cynicism. All of a sudden, there are a bunch of raggedy old men pulling HUGE ropes (as in, not the kind you'd read about in Fifty Shades of Grey. Not that I read Fifty Shades of Grey.), singing about looking down. This is when I first started regretting having little background with the story, because literally all I could understand were the two words "LOOK DOWN." On the positive side, though, this was the first I saw of an incredible display of costumes, hair, and makeup. One thing that really stood out, especially because of the director's apparent obsession with close-ups, was that no one had perfect teeth! Brownie points to Tom Hooper for historical accuracy. In case you were wondering, the beginning was coffee's bitter taste... with a little hazelnut flavoring (love that stuff).

If you're wondering how I'm going to make a vague analogy to the middle of the movie with my need to pee after drinking coffee, don't you worry. I actually needed to go (can I say that on a blog? I guess I'll find out one way or another). There was a lot of emotional singing from Hugh Jackman, and I really wish I could have started feeling emotionally attached at that point, but... I didn't. Don't worry, it becomes important later on in the story, and the emotions are magnified to level "unbearable." It's wonderful (but actually).

The tears started to fall when Anne Hathaway sang "I Dreamed a Dream," which was inevitable. When I saw the first trailer for the movie, when she sang through most of the song, that was when I decided that I would become extremely excited about this film. In all seriousness, what really made this movie memorable was the acting. Not the singing, sad to say, because I do think they could have picked up fresh new singers like they did for film version of The Phantom of the Opera, but then again, the acting talent would have become a huge risk factor, so I'm glad they stuck with people like Catwoman, Wolverine, Bellatrix Lestrange... Oh wait I mean...

Referring to my previous post, I liked Russell Crowe as Javert. Sorry?... Seriously, though, if you think about it, there are people who really just can't sing. Crowe can sing!! His voice just isn't exactly one of an angel, but I thought it fit his part well because of how he portrayed such a gruff and determined man, so although his voice is a big grating or barking, I liked how it built on the character.

Finally, I'd like to talk about the whole metaphorical bouncing off the walls part of the movie. If you haven't guessed, my emotions were what were going nuts, because after Hathaway's little song, almost everything was worthy of enough bawling to fill my empty bag of chips with tears. I'll let you guess how big the bag of chips was. There were happy moments and lovable moments, but mostly it was TEAR-JERKING, MIND-BOGGLINGLY BITTERSWEET MOMENTS OF SADNESS. If maybe half of this cast gets back together and does another sad movie, I'll come prepared with a box of tissues. I thought just going to the theater sans makeup would be enough, but I was so wrong. I'd also like to mention the amount of respect I have for Tom Hooper and his brilliant idea of recording everything live. Yes. You heard me. If you didn't already know, here's an interesting fact: None of the singing you hear on that big screen is coming from a studio. Every emotion, pause, and slight break in voice (if they're crying) is the real deal that they recorded during the filming and simply makes everything raw and natural.

For people who don't like ramblings and long explanations... Why are you on my blog? Just kidding, but here's a basic overview of my opinion in number-speak. The ratings are out of 10:

Acting: 9.999999999999 (well I mean they're not robots)
Music: 9
Directing: 10 (because Tom Hooper is obviously a robot)
Editing: 7
Mise en scene (cinematography): 8
Costumes, hair, and makeup: 10 (they're also robots)

I would put an enticing little "Next Up:" thing here, but I usually rebel against myself and decide to write about something else.

Next Up: The world may never know.

OMG LES MIZ

First of all, you're welcome. Why? Because I've refrained from blogging about the movie Les Miserables until I calmed myself... Mostly. Second of all, I'm finally 102% DONE with college applications, which means my thoughts will be more in one piece than they have been lately.

'Twas the night after Christmas, while children went to bed

that a little blogger decided to watch a movie then instead

While she watched the silver screen, she cried

as everyone in the movie died... (just kidding)

As she left the theater's left wing,

she began to dance and sing:

"DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING 

SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MEN

IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE

WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!"

If I ever say I'm going to write poetry again, kindly remind me how terrible I am at it so I can prevent any further embarrassment.

But all jokes and bad poetry aside, when I saw Les Miserables, I was dumbfounded. I hadn't read the book or seen the musical, so I was expecting to be a bit confused. Luckily this was not the case at all! When my dad told me that this would be a little like an opera since everyone sang the entire time, I thought he was kidding. Fortunately, he wasn't. I just have a few words to say to all you haters out there...

Warning: rant ahead

You know that saying?... Oh how does it go. "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it"? It astonishes me every day when on the internet, people think they can hide themselves behind their Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube accounts and just bash on successful and talented people. There's saying insults to that person's face, there's talking behind their back, but throwing insults over the internet is just an awful combination of both of these things. Grow up. Say something nice. Or go back to kindergarten and learn some manners.

End of rant.

All of the actors in this film were AMAZING. I usually measure level of performance (if it's a sad story) on how much I cry, but I stopped thinking about it when I started just... crying the entire time. Literally. The girl next to me (who I won't name) was sobbing so much her chair was shaking by the end. We are some hard-core movie-goers. I'll address only one major critique of the movie and stop there before I rant again: Russell Crowe was a good fit for the part. Yes, his voice was gravelly, but you know what? I liked it. "Oh no, but his singing is so terrible it hurt my ears!!" Since I haven't seen the musical, I personally think it would be weird if Javert had a soft and sing-songy voice, but maybe that's just me. After all, I'm merely a non-expert.

P.S. See the movie if you haven't already. Now. Like, buy the tickets online before you finish reading this sentence. (note to self: don't write any posts about peer pressure or you're a hypocrite)

Craaaazy People

Merry Christmahanukwanza everyone!! I can already hear the distinct melodies of Christmas carols playing... Oh wait, that's the TV downstairs... Oh wait, they've been playing Christmas carols everywhere since before Thanksgiving...

Yesterday, I spent the last hour of the awkward-there-was-no-apocalypse-day sitting in front of the TV. I wasn't even planning on watching any television since I'm technically supposed to be hustling to get all of those college applications in, but I ran downstairs in a hurry when my dad rushed up to the stairs and demanded I come at once. Usually when he does this, it's because I left the water on the stove too long and the house is about to burn down and he needs to remind me once again that unintentionally almost burning the house down is not really a good thing.

I was pretty relieved when I found out that I didn't set anything on fire. Instead, there was just Charlie Rose, interviewing Quentin Tarantino about his new movie Django Unchained. The next hour consisted of Charlie Rose, the ever-jittery Tarantino, and my eyes glued to the screen. I even refused a Klondike so I didn't miss anything that they were saying, and I would make a joke about how it's clearly a sign of the apocalypse, but... (On a completely different topic, I just visited the Klondike website. If you're extremely bored and want to watch ice cream bars being destroyed by wood chippers and baseball bats in slow motion, click on this link: Klondike Craziness)

Quentin Tarantino is the only man I have ever been able to watch being interviewed for an entire hour without being bored. And I just realized right now that there were no ads. Not only is he immensely entertaining to watch because of his boundless energy; he speaks intelligently and articulately. It's probably every interviewer's dream (if they're interested in film) to have a chat with Mr. Tarantino, because if he gets going on a topic, he'll just keep talking about it until he's stopped. With certain people, this can be a bad thing, since topics begin to mush together and certain things are repeated ad nauseam, but everything in this interview was something new and exciting. Perhaps I have a little bit of bias, though, since I always get excited whenever a successful person talks about the hours and hours they spend writing and thinking. Oh. And watch this: Julie Plec Interview

I tried to find a link for you guys, but I guess it's a bit too soon. It'll pop up on YouTube eventually, and when it does, I'll both provide a link and demand that you click on it. Think of it as my Christmas present to you :)

There's screaming coming from the TV downstairs and my family is laughing hysterically... I think I'll go downstairs now. Happy holidays everyone!

Why Shakespeare confuses my brain

So I'm going to assume here that everyone reading this blog knows who I am, but if you don't know me, congratulations for coming across one of the loneliest blogs on the internet, and just read the rest of this post knowing that I might possibly want to major in English if I ever get in to college. Therefore, the title of this post is probably confusing your brain, too.

How can an English major not appreciate and love the works of Shakespeare?? It's a very good question indeed, but one that is entirely answerable (I think). So let me first make a minor correction to the title. This post should actually be called "Why reading Shakespeare confuses my brain." Technically the entire title should also be capitalized, but I'm lazy.

When I first started reading Hamlet, I thought I had lost my marbles, and had to read something else to make sure I hadn't completely forgotten the language of English. It also happened to be at the same time that I thought I had a concussion because of a bump in the head at work, but it turns out I'm just not good at concentrating on things in general. Yes, I appreciate Shakespeare's wondrous ability to play with words and his sense of humor... No, I do not appreciate how hard it is to imagine what's going on in Shakespeare's plays with no visual context. Other than the occasional painting or photograph on the left side of the book, there's nothing but dialogue telling the reader what's really going on. (Also, thank you so much, Folger Shakespeare Library, for showing me what a sword looks like. I would've been completely lost and clueless without your help...) Even reading it in screenplay format would've been easier! An occasional "(sarcastically)" or "(angrily)" would definitely clear up some confusion.

But what's that in the distance? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a film version of Hamlet, come to save the day! The Royal Shakespeare Company really did a fine job with this one, even if every time anything comes out of Hamlet's mouth, all I can think of is Barty Crouch Jr., and having the same man play Claudius and the Ghost is complicated enough without Professor X in there. Anyway, it's a fantastic production, with weird camera angles (even a security camera perspective once in a while), classy and contemporary costumes, and above all, great acting. Oliver Ford Davies, who plays Polonius, does a fantastic job playing the clueless father who rambles on and on in such an endearingly humorous way.

And see, that's just the point of acting out Shakespeare's plays! I'm no actress, so it's a little hard for me to simply walk around my bedroom floor, reading a paragraph and interpreting it through acting. I usually end up making random hand motions, forget to process the words in my brain, then get frustrated. It's not pretty. There's also the read-it-out-loud-in-class method, but sometimes it's not fun to find out that you're not the worst actor in the room. Awkward...

Do you see now why I dislike reading Shakespeare? Allow me to reiterate: There's a reason why Shakespeare wrote his plays... as plays... They are to be acted, or at least spoken with some dramatic impact. Call me dumb, but I cannot get any of that through my thick skull without some help. I need a little more than a picture of a sword to understand the inner workings of these plays (notice how I didn't call them books?).

I'll run away before I'm trampled by smart people who can read and understand Shakespeare without movies... Meh.

Optimistic thoughts on this day of thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May your turkey (or turkeys) be fat and tasty and may the holiday cheer bring you much joy before you are trampled under the feet of crazy shoppers tomorrow! Now, onto a completely different topic...

I believe my cousin may be dragging me to see the last Twilight movie. Yes, I am thankful she's in town; no, I am not thankful I may have to waste ten dollars. I must admit, I'm a little curious as to why everyone is freaking out about the ending. Didn't they all read the book? I would think the book and the movie would match at least a little bit. Hmm. Maybe I should be optimistic about this movie. Bill Condon, the director, has also directed Dreamgirls... Interesting switch here, Mr. Condon. In any case, he's not most known for this latest installment of the Twilight "saga," which I'll take as a good sign. OHHHHHH OUCH. Just looked at the IMDb rating for Breaking Dawn Part 1... I know a 4.8 would hang over my head for a very long time. Optimism levels just plummeted.

Speaking of Stephenie Meyer (I'm really bad at segues today), I just saw the trailer for The Host. Ten times. This movie looks like an actual winner! I hope. I haven't read the book yet, but according to a couple of Twihards I've talked to, it's a lot different from the rest of Stephenie Meyer's books. Optimism levels are slowly rising... Looking through the comments of the trailers (because I read those obsessively), it seems as if a lot of people are not happy about the casting choices. Personally, everything looks pretty good from where I'm sitting. Saoirse Ronan did an amazing job in The Lovely Bones, even though the movie freaked me out in general. What also freaks me out is how she can look either 13 years old or 25, depending on how she wears her hair. Moving on... I'm actually a little less optimistic about Max Irons. Without looking into the other movies he's been in, I just got the "awkward" vibe from him throughout the trailer... I'll remain hopeful. And last but not least, there's Jake Abel. I don't get it. How has he never been the leading role? I Am Number Four, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, The Lovely Bones... He's always that background guy, but he's a very good actor in my opinion. Maybe that's just because I've seen him in I Am Number Four, acting next to Alex Pettyfer...

Anyways, have a look. I'll just go back to watching it for the 11th time... Or was it the 12th? The song in the background is "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons (in case it gets stuck in your head too).

Parodies, Covers, and Mash-ups (Oh my!)

So here's a hypothetical conversation:

Friend 1: "Hey man, do you like that new song?"

Friend 2: "Nah, it was kind of lame. I liked the Glee version though."

Friend 1: "We are no longer friends."

Apparently, it's not ok to like a song if it's not the original version. It's probably more apparent if the word "Glee" pops up... Also, the opposite is true: apparently, it's not ok to like a cover of a bad song. WELL, ladies and gentlemen, I am about to prove you all wrong. See, it's heroes like the band Pomplamoose that are saving this generation the shame of becoming the "Bad Taste in Music Generation." (Honestly, when I talk about rap, I don't even refer to it as music).

I mean, who would think to make something so awesome out of three not-so-awesome things? (I admit, I liked "Somebody I Used To Know" until I had listened to it about 10 too many times) I was going to make a reference to the saying "quality over quantity" but the thought got lost in my brain somewhere. Help me out if you want.

Also, I like parodies. Lots and lots of parodies. I even watch the homemade ones made with cheap cameras because believe it or not, movies can still be funny. You just need to get over the fact that not every movie will have 1080p and come with surround-sound. We techies are spoiled in this digital age...

Can I bombard you with parodies? I think I shall.

The Vampire Diaries:

The Hunger Games:

The Little Mermaid: (heehee)

Ok, so that last one is actually an alternate ending, but just... it's too good...

Writing vs. Acting

Have you ever watched a movie thinking that the actors were being awkward? You're probably right. It's called bad acting. What I used to do is notice the awkwardness, disregard everything else, then give it a low rating on IMDb. But that's not all there is to a movie or TV show, is it?

How many of you watched Snow White and the Huntsman to get a good laugh out of awkward acting? I know I did. After coming across the trailer again, though, I noticed something-- is there some reason everyone is so angry? I mean, I get that everything is supposed to be more intense, but I can't help but imagine the director running around like a madman on set, telling the actors to be way more angry than they should be.

That time of the month again?

I didn't actually dislike the movie itself. The plot was good, the effects were awesome, but the acting just made me chuckle (I don't think the rest of the theater really minded). 

What truly bothers me is when a movie has it the other way around. The example I give is a TV show, but my point still stands. When I first started watching Kyle XY, I knew none of the actors in it. It was recommended to me with the promise that the plot was awesome, and it was. I might have mentioned this before-- Julie Plec is AWESOME. Her ability to make three-dimensional characters and put them into addictive television shows never ceases to amaze me, but I digress...

Kyle XY had some very good actors in it. I still can't pronounce the name Marguerite MacIntyre, but the great acting job she does in both Kyle XY and The Vampire Diaries kind of makes me wonder why she isn't in more than a couple of crime show episodes (thank goodness she's in The Vampire Diaries). The rest of them, though... I can't stand Amanda. I'll give Kirsten Prout the benefit of the doubt and hope that she doesn't actually always pout. Because that's not what acting's about. 

Time to go out...side and get some fresh air. I'll stop now.