So I'm doing some serious college-level procrastination here on a Sunday night because I feel like I'm still stuffed from the last three Thanksgiving meals I've eaten (three days in a row, not three years in a row). I should probably look over this political science presentation, but you know what? We all already know that China and North Korea have authoritarian governments. Hopefully. If you didn't know that, please refer to a New York Times near you. Or the internet. The internet is a wonderful creation.
While at college, I've learned a few things. First, that the college experience is like one big culture shock. Living with someone completely new and expecting to get along, making new friends quicker and becoming besties in months... It's expected of us but challenging nonetheless. The other thing I've learned is how some people live thinking that speaking up for yourself and for others is something that requires perfect timing and circumstance. I had never really experienced this kind of thing outside of cheesy American comedies and dramas, where I found it peculiar that a character would struggle so much over telling someone the truth, no matter how large or small the consequences. They'd always wait for the "right moment" or just make excuses until the truth came out in a horrible way that they hadn't anticipated, snowballing into the climax of the movie.
Don't get me wrong, I get when it's hard to say something when there's a lot at stake, but if you're just avoiding the subject for the sake of avoiding the subject, that's cowardice. I just read an article in the New York Times about my aunt and uncle who married five years ago, and they described their relationship as one that works because of communication. Everything is talked about. Some things may be argued over but at least they're out there.
In my own family, bluntness is a requirement. My dad grew up thinking debates were relaxed everyday discussions, while my mother thought the opposite, but regardless, debates are a regular thing. For some, this might make it seem like my household life is stressful or annoying, but I honestly miss it so much here at college where passive aggressiveness is the norm (I unfortunately do not exclude myself from such behavior) and there's no such thing as putting an issue out in the open to talk about. I've been in multiple situations where people have wanted to bring up an issue, but they don't because they're afraid of what comes next. There are times when things can end badly, but honestly, it's better to end something than to drag a horrible situation out. I have heard too many stories of how relationships (between friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends) ended because he said that she said that their neighbor's dog said that something happened when it didn't and then miscommunication after miscommunication ruins everything when it would have been so much easier to cut the crap and talk.
So people - most books and movies may create expectations about the awful shit that goes down when you actually talk directly at a person, but there are so many other books and movies that are about what happens when you don't speak. Like the book/movie Speak.
Got a problem with your friend? Talk with them about it. But more importantly, talk about solutions to that problem so it doesn't end terribly like in the movies. Got a problem with your enemy? Same thing. I'm going to cringe as I impart this little tip... Sometimes it's good to speak before you think. Too much, that is. Speak about your stress, don't stress about speaking, and all of a sudden your speaking will be stress-free.
I'll see if I come up with anything less ranty soon.
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